Laying back on a cozy bed after coming home from a 7 hour-long class, (just imagine how pathetically boring that is), felt as heavenly as laying on soft green grass on a soothing summer day under the clear open sky. Thanks to my ceiling full of glow-in-the-dark stars and a my ‘full-functioning’ air conditioner, it was burning hot and humid outside. I grabbed my laptop to start surfing the internet; I could surf as long as I want ’cause don’t have to worry about staying up late and waking up early, Friday is my day.
Seeing happy couples with perfectly healthy relationships isn’t anything new for single people. Maybe stuff like these unconsciously attract us and catches our attention. I stopped reading Cosmo and MTV articles since I can’t afford to see one more Kardashian article. As lifeless as I sound, I rather prefer watching and reading all the ‘fancy’ posts people tend to show-off on social networks, and I don’t think I’ll be changing my verdict any time soon.
So I kept scrolling down my ‘newsfeed’ until I came across a post by my friend, who happens to be a friend of my ex, Mr.X. They checked-in at some pub. It didn’t take me a second to start stalking X’s profile followed by his girlfriend’s. After a cigarette and a half, I stopped. I wondered what am i doing with my life, my time?
No, it has been years and I still am not over him. It wasn’t even about him anymore. it was about me. Why do I always struggle with my emotions?
A friend of mine often says I am a very emotionally imbalanced person and it is true. I struggle with expressing myself, find the right words and organising them. I never learned to think before speaking, that is just not me. There were like a thousand moments when I could totally turn the tables around and change the stakes only if I knew how to open up and speak. But how long do I hold back?
So I decided to remain unspoken but unwritten. Hence I started blogging. I always used to wonder why do people blog? I know, most people blog to get published, known, or popularity, some even do it for a living, or just simply preaching their passions to people of the same interest; but to me, this is a humble attempt to set myself free, to somewhere, where no one knows me so can’t judge me really (even though you are judging me right now through this). Not sure if I can ever merge my scattered thoughts and words and bring them down to letters, but hey, it’s better than silently crying myself to sleep every other night, right?