That one face from the crowd

My life has been no less than a roller coaster ride lately. I am shattered, as broken as I ever could be. I haven’t yet told my friends about X’s wedding announcement. I know what they’ll say, and I really am not in the state to deal with them. Not that they are wrong, we broke up 7 years ago, and I have dated almost half the city and still couldn’t get over him. Okay no, I haven’t dated half the city, my city has a population of 20 millions; but, I have dated enough guys to lose the count. The point is, I should have been over him by now, like every other person in this world. It’s not normal to pointlessly hold on to such fruitless things like first true love, the one that got away, and what not. As obnoxiously immature and absurd as it is, this is the story of my life. How cliché!

I usually have a very bad memory, you can totally compare it to a goldfish’s, but when it comes to X, I somehow remember even the tiniest details, for instance, I remember he wore this white shirt on our third date which dates back to february 2006. I swear I did not make it up.

The last time I saw him was in fall 2012, at a carnival in my university. It was no less dramatic than a Bollywood movie scene. I saw this one face in the monochrome carnival crowd, slowly heading towards me, with that smile i miss the most, and as he was approaching closer, I turned back 180 degrees and he passed me by. It didn’t take me a lifetime to realise he didn’t notice me in the crowd. I stood there still for God knows how long as the crowd hid me. I never saw him upfront again, not sure if I ever will. Maybe the universe is saving that for another life. Maybe.

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5 comments on “That one face from the crowd

  1. So much pain can only come from someone imprinted in the fabric of one’s spirit. The loss is no less traumatic than any other loss by other means. It can set up the conditions for PTSD and become an inelegant cloth hiding the joy of life in darkness. The wedding is a trigger for this darkness it appears. I hope you will find the light again after this has passed. It takes time. Give yourself all the time you need. Here is a smile to help —> 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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