Nodus Tollens

I’ve never asked him if he’d wait for me if we fell apart. Maybe I never thought it’d be necessary to have such conversation. This is what happens in young love. Who then thought life is not about fairytale-happily-ever-afters?

From every love story with a happy ending, there is always a forever they promise. Where is that forever? Every book, every movie, every song, – all they preach is hope. I struggle to find mine in this milky way of stars. I’m tired of drying my eyes. I don’t really get this obscure cycle; seems so pointless after all. So i decided to play this part from a movie on repeat where in the end the guy promises to wait for the girl and lives their dream life. I kept wondering, what was the point of giving hope to the viewers when miracles are too miraculous to happen?  Is it really necessary to feed some hope to the starving unhappy souls? Or is it just me who is just living a life of imaginary sonders? My life doesn’t make sense to me anymore. Although there were times when I thought I was following the arc of the story, I keep finding myself immersed in passages I don’t understand,

I am really curious; what’d it be like if I had that conversation with X. As a matter of a fact I know he’d leave me someday and then he’d date a couple of girls before finding the one he is about to get married. But. After all these times would he remember his promise? Do my thoughts cross his mind? My laughter, my love, my touch, my tears, – does he remember what I feel like? Or the moment he fell in love the moment he caught me secretly looking at him from my classroom balcony as he played cricket on the ground? Or those silly times on the library we used to spend every recess? Or those long nights we talked and sometimes whispered on the phone till morning, and the times when he felt asleep over the phone and I just didn’t hang up because I was in love with those every single snore?
Why didn’t he hear me secretly swearing my forever crossing my heart? Seems like I’m still holding on to mine, because I remember everything. Even though I know dreams are meant for sleeping and miracles just don’t come true.
Oh how I wish he swore me a forever. At least, I’d have something to hope for today.


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